Acknowledging Divorce with Ceremony

Divorce affects the lives of so many families. It is a major life transition that society more often than not fails to recognize, and individuals wrongly are made to feel guilt, shame or failure about it.

Those who have been through or are going through divorce need to know that they are brave individuals, and they should be respected for being able to come through this devastating experience with the support of their community and belief in themselves. Personalized ceremonies that mark these milestones in people’s lives are vital for the health and well-being of people as individuals and our society.

Divorce Ceremony

A divorce ceremony should recognize the hurt and pain that divorce causes and begin, together with friends and family, the process of healing and the journey forward to a life of peace and happiness. The ceremony process does not abandon the past, but reclaims it. Within the ceremony, the following elements may be assembled: prose, poetry, music, and symbols that are chosen as important and meaningful.

Perhaps, by participating in a divorce ceremony that recognizes the event of divorce with compassion and dignity, all who have experienced divorce personally or in the lives of their loved ones will recognize the importance of paying homage to this life transition. In time, as more of these “survival” ceremonies come about, they will have a broader impact.

In a ceremony of this kind, friends and family gather for their honored friend in the spirit of acceptance and love, and to welcome a new day with renewed commitments for growth and fulfillment.

Examples of Declarations and Covenants:

Celebrant to honoree:
WE recognize that active grieving is healthy and freeing.

WE know that divorce is honoring the truth that our marriage could no longer continue.

WE understand that divorce is not a failure, and that each of us is not a failure.

WE will learn all we can from this experience and in time we will release it and be free of it.

WE acknowledge and have compassion for the past so that we can live in the now and be fully present.

WE will remember that out of chaos can come order and balance; after the storm – often a rainbow; out of the pain – a birth.

WE accept the responsibility for creating our future.

Tips for Creating a Divorce Ceremony

• As the Master of Ceremonies or Celebrant, you represent the guests, so address the person the ceremony honors and let them know how important this moment is, and that you will continue to love and support them more than ever. Show your compassion. Let them know that you know that divorce is not easy. Inform them that the next stage ahead for them is a discovery process of finding out who they are “post marriage." Remind them to have fun with this process, test new waters, stretch and let themselves breath and be ready to venture the great unchartered territories of “the new you." They should revel in it, taking small steps forward in “becoming". Assure them that they are not alone.
• Create a personalized wish box and have all the guests write wishes for the person of honor to read when they go home or the next day. The ceremony will resonate with them in this way and have a positive long term affect.
• Gifting: Loved ones and family members may want to present something special to the person, such as a watch reminding them that they are on “their time now," special music tapes, a gift certificate at a spa or a special magazine, book or CD.
• In some cases the Divorce Ceremony may include both spouses especially if the couple had children during their relationship and/or if they divorced amicably and were supportive of one another.
• Grandparents, aunts, uncles or other family members can be honored in the ceremony. An Ancestor Remembrance can be included if the honoree would like to remember a relative who has passed away and was been a source of love, strength and inspiration during the time of the divorce or sometime in their life.
• Close the Ceremony with a toast or a blessing either by the celebrant or led by the person that is being honored.
• Location: Choose a location that is quiet and pleasing for this very personal ceremony, such as a home and garden, a private venue location by a park or a lake. Or, opt for a funky club, whatever reflects your personality. You may want to have food and drinks, keep it simple. If the ceremony is outdoors, make sure you have an indoor back-up plan if it rains.
• You might want to stay away from rituals that are too negative or too reminiscent of a wedding ceremony. Instead of serving cake, go for the pastries instead. Also, it is not advisable to burn the old wedding license, photos or wedding apparel in the ceremony. Once again, keep it dignified, authentic and healing.